Friday, September 12, 2008

The Castle & the Fire: 3rd day in Scotland

Day 3
August 21st

Picture this: You are in the middle of the jungle in a forest lodge, the South African veldt is all around you, it is the middle of the night, you can hear the quiet noise of the wild outside, the whisper of the wind, the distant growl of the lion, you are preparing to retire for the night in your comfy cottage, as the rest of your group tiredly trudges to their respective ones. And then a female voice says to you, "I can't sleep alone at night!"

Banish all prurient thoughts from your head right now. This was serious. This grown up woman of ... well whatever age, had lived all her life in a big joint family, and would always be surrounded by lots of people, boisterous kids running underfoot, and generally be surrounded by a lot of noise. When she found herself in silent surroundings in a cottage all to herself in the middle of the African jungle, she obviously got the jitters very badly. Hmmmm.

We had to come up with a serious solution to this seemingly frivolous probem, since this woman was very much part of our group and we were responsible for their welfare.

The 2 other women in our group immediately whispered urgently into my unoccupied ear that they would *not* share their cottages with anyone. Mind you, one of these women was our event organiser and the other was a colleague from my company! But compulsions of privacy ranked way beyond the call of duty, and I couldn't really blame them for that.

Finally, after a lot of options had been examined and discarded, a solution was proposed by our little tale's protagonist herself. It was bizarre and yet it worked for her.

She spent the night on the sofa in the reception of our jungle lodge. All through the night, people kept coming on to rearrange the furniture, sweep the floor or to check out of the lodge. All that noise was enough for her to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

OK, apart from the fact that I had referred to this episode casually in my last blog entry, what does this have to do with our current Scotland trip, ? Well, nothing as yet. But will any member of our current group come up with some request like this? Keep reading.


Edinburgh is not a very large spreadout city. We could see the ramparts of the Edinburgh Castle  from our hotel. The bus journey took not more than 15 minutes, through narrow uphill streets. The bus parked on what I later discovered was the Esplanade. Unfortunately the Edinburgh Military Tattoo had finished just the previous day, so the entire area was rather desolate and forelorn. The sky was grey and overcast, which gave the castle a very Scottish look. 

The Esplanade area is surrounded on all sides by stadium-style seatings. I don't know whether this is a permanent arrangement or was rigged especially for the Tattoo. A quick explanation of what the Tattoo is. It is a kind of annual military parade given by British Armed Forces, Commonwealth and International military bands and display teams in Edinburgh every August as part of the Edinburgh Festival. So why is it called a tattoo, if there is no tattooing to be done? 

The word "tattoo" originally dates from the eighteenth century, when British Army units were stationed in Flanders. Drummers from the garrison were sent out into the towns each evening to Beat Retreat, summoning the soldiers to return to barracks for the night. The process was known as "tap toe" and encouraged the inn keepers to stop serving beer and send the soldiers back for the night. That devolved into the word tattoo. So now you know!

As we trooped over the drawbridge into the castle, we noticed a dry moat below us, and statues of Robert the Bruce and William "Braveheart" Wallace on either side of the main gate. By the time we had crossed inside, it had started to drizzle. Most of our own brave hearts had obviously come without any umbrella or cover. So we were scrambling over stoney cobbled paths to reach the nearest stone building. The castle itself is arranged more or less like the Tower of London; there is a large vacant square in the middle, surrounded by stone structures on all sides. These structures house various rooms or chambers, including the royalty's rooms, the throne room, the Crown Jewels collection etc. Then there are steps leading underground to dungeons, to chambers where World War 1 prisoners were kept etc.

The very first structure we entered had a tourist shop, which stocked blue colored ponchos. When I pointed this out to a few of my semi-soaked group members, there was a rush on them, and soon after I could see the entire group wearing them. As for me, I was prepared for the inclement weather with an all-purpose rainproof & windproof jacket. I always carry such a raiment whenever I travel abroad to colder climes. It has proven to be a great all-in-one jacket that has kept me warm and (mostly) dry in places like Jo'burg (in August), Switzerland (in December), St. Petersburg (in March) and numerous trips in Germany in the winters.

The tourist shop also gave me the opportunity to buy a few knick knacks for the family. That serious business conducted, I settled down to take in the rest of the tour. We ambled through the various structures that included these:

- The Royal Palace (apartments of the royalty dating from the 15th century, including Mary Queen of Scots. She gave birth here to King James VI of Scotland, later James I of England)

- The Crown Room: This houses the Scottish Crown Jewels and Regalia. They include the Crown of Scotland, sceptre and sword of state. The crown dates from 1540, is made of Scottish gold and is set with pearls,  diamonds and other gemstones. The Sceptre is also made of gold, and topped with a large quartz crystal. The most treasured possession of Scotland is the Stone of Destiny, upon which the monarchs of Scotland are traditionally crowned.

- St. Margaret's Chapel: It's the oldest surviving building in Edinburgh Castle and the oldest building in Edinburgh. Legend had it that St. Margaret worshipped in this small chapel, but research indicates that it was built at the beginning of the 12th century by her fourth son who became King David. This is a small irregular stone building. The rectangular structure with an internal width of about 10 ft has an entrance door at one side near the back of the nave which is about 16 ft long, then there's a round arch on columns leading into a sanctuary. A very quaint peaceful place despite the hordes of tourists pouring in through the narrow entrance. Since there was room for one person to either enter or exit through the only entrance, and since everyone stood aside in deference to the other tourists in typically polite British style, there was a gaggle of people inside and a long queue of people outside just dying to rush in.

By the time I came out of the chapel onto the upper ramparts of the castle where the cannons were kept, the sun had come out and there were large crowds of families with children enjoying the view of Edinburgh city spread out far below us. It was almost time to return to the bus.

Our lunch venue was The Dome on St. George's Street. This restaurant used to be a bank earlier, which is pretty apparent once you stand in front of its imposing facade of huge Roman-style pillars. The main doors lead to a plush lobby which wouldn't be out of place in any grand clubs or colonial buildings frequenting Bombay or Calcutta. This lobby in turn opens into a huge dining area completely overwhelmed by a huge glass-covered dome (what else?). There are ceiling-length pillars and potted plants scattered throughout the Grill Room. Overall impression? Elegant and cool.

During lunch, we had the same old problems about individual persons' dietary requirements. Some people didn't want to have meat because of halal issues, some wanted seafood, some had requested for just vegetarian cuisine and one person wanted raw fruits and vegetables, in other words, a Jain meal. To each his own.

Once lunch was finished, our group had free time to itself. People were told to make their own way on foot back to the hotel, if they so pleased. Else they could just wander about and discover the city, so to say. St. George's Street is not too far from the hotel, and the weather was pleasant too. So our group of 4-5 persons decided to stroll back to the hotel, taking in the sights.


The Edinburgh Fringe Festival had taken over the city and High Street, right next to our hotel, was jammed with street performers as well as the crowds thronging around them. The pavements were packed tight, and it really was some effort to actually move through the crowd, since the street sloped gently uphill. In addition to the interesting performers, who apart from being skilled at their art were glib talkers as well, I was drawn to the couple of specialist whisky shops on the street. The more authentic looking one was Royal Mile Whiskeys, at the junction of High Street and St. Giles Street. I ventured in with my troop of curious onlookers. The entire shop was crammed with single malt whiskeys, not surprisingly. The bottles were neatly standing against wall cabinets, clearly labelled and marked with prices, ranging from 20 pounds to 300 pounds. On the shop floor were cane baskets filled with miniature whiskey bottles for a pound to 5 pounds each. There was a shelf in the middle of the shop that had confectionary made from malt whiskey. Something for everyone. More importantly, the sales persons were very knowledgeable and happy to help. I caught snatches of conversation between some of them and the customers who were animatedly discussed obscure varieties of whiskey. It was a lovely atmosphere to absorb in. I didn't buy anything right then, but returned later on another day and bought a bottle each of 16 yo Lagavulin, 10 yo Tamdhu and 12 yo Glendronach, and also an assortment of miniatures to gift friends. Oh, and I couldn't resist getting a small box of whiskey fudge for my family! It was back to the hotel after the long walk, and get some rest for the evening ahead.

In the evening, we all trooped back to High Street where we were met by a theatrical guy dressed all in black, either a clergyman or a judge. He led us through back alleys and pathways all the while talking about various dark episodes in the city's history that had happened there. I thought the entire walking tour could have been much better, but then maybe he didn't talk about the best bits. We ended up at an entrance to an underground tunnel, in a light drizzle. The tunnel smelt rather musty, and was the start of an entire mesh of interconnecting rooms and passages under the city, dated back to 1540, as we were told. These underground cellars had a bloodthirsty history which I won't go into details here, but all this can be read on their website.

Finally, we ended up in a large cavern where we were served dinner. It was a weird feeling, having dinner underground beneath a bridge.

When we came out of the cavern, it was in the foyer of a nice modern restaurant! The drizzle outside had turned into full fledged rain, and I was thankful I had on my trusted all-in-one wind- and rain-proof jacket. The hotel was within walking distance (of course!) and we proceeded towards it.

When we reached there and tried to get in, we were met by a couple of firemen who told us not to enter, and to stay out on the main street. A couple of hotel guests were being shepherded out as well. One elderly woman was clad in just a bathrobe and hotel slippers, having been hurriedly summoned out of her room, and was shivering at just the thought of going out in the rain. But the firemen were adamant, and had been joined by the hotel staff. The explanation for this was that there was a fire alarm and they were checking out the entire hotel.

So then our entire group members trudged out slowly on the street, where a fire brigade truck had arrived. Soon, two other trucks joined it and the entire hotel area was cordoned off. A long-legged blonde rushed out of the hotel and identifying herself as a hotel employee, asked us all to go off to the Carlton Hotel across the street rather than stand on the road. It took a lot of imploring the entire contingent to actually accomplish this, because by then the guests were feeling the effect of the late night and the tiredness of a full day. Shortly thereafter, the other hotel's lobby was completely taken over by tired sleepy guests sprawled all over every available seat in the vast lobby. The helpful staff of the Carlton even arranged for some refreshments for the hungry ones. It was past 1 am already with no further news from the firemen.

I kept going out into the street and standing across from the Scotsman to check out what was happening. It was almost fun to be out there in the rain. About 2am, we were finally told that there had been a fire alarm in one of the guest bathrooms due to some "malfunction", and now it was safe to again go in.

The bed was lovely, soft and deep, and I had just seconds to ponder before I slept.
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Mirrors

Suppose you are standing in front of your bathroom mirror, looking at your own face. What would be the size of your face on the mirror surface? And if you were to back away slowly, what would happen to that face size on the surface?

Check out the answers & the reasoning in this fascinating article by Natalie Angier:
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Friday, August 29, 2008

The Scottish farm: 2nd day in Scotland

Day 2

Enid Blyton's descriptions of English farms came alive as I looked upon the barn with clucking hens pecking away merrily and a little cocker spaniel (named Buster maybe? No, Buster was a Scottish Terrier and anyway that would have been asking for too much!) panted and gazed expectantly with sad eyes at us, as if willing us to throw a wooden stick for him to catch.

We had just alighted from our car after a 45 minutes journey from Edinburgh, to check out Mavis Hall Park, the venue for the outdoors activity we had planned for our group. The drive was again very pleasant, passing through small villages with quaint names and with green hillocks on both sides. It was drizzling lightly when we started and got steadily stronger as the journey progressed. But then that's the charm of English (sorry, Scottish!) weather!

A charming and pleasantly smiling lady named Fiona met us on arrival and ushered the three of us into her room. This was a converted shed on the farm, and was very cosy inside though cluttered all over just like a regular office space. There was another connected chamber which was occupied by some mysterious female voice that materialised just once to hand us some tea and then was never seen again (I mean, by us during our visit!).

The aforementioned spaniel, Fly was busy running between our legs and trying to introduce himself. Our hostess meanwhile had asked for some hot tea from that disembodied voice and there were some pieces of Scottish shortbread on the table. While Kirstie, our local contact and Shady, our event coordinator were busy sorting out the program details with the hostess, I was looking around the room. It was somewhat disconcerting to find a PC in these surroundings with windows of emails and Word documents open on the monitor. There was a small fax somewhere too. There were stacks of neatly labelled files on the floor. Visiting cards were put up on corkboard. Various Scottish-themed knickknacks like clan badges were scattered all over.

Having gone through the program details, we then pulled on some Wellingtons and clomped our way into the barn behind the office. This would be where the guests would be welcomed with a hot cup of tea or coffee (nothing stronger!). We came out of the barn, crossed the road and walked along a muddy path winding through the woods. We were closely surrounded with trees and shrubs on both sides of the ath. I could also hear the gurgling sound of a brook up ahead. Soon enough, we saw the brook somewhat below us to our right. The scene was absolutely enchanting.

After a few minutes of walking, we came across a vast clearing of grass that had a charming little loch at the far end. This was where our group would be playing traditional Scottish highland games. I could also see a medium sized castle to my left which presumably belonged to the landlord. The entire area was surrounded by mountains on three sides which gave it a very charming air.

We came back to the hotel by noon, and I retired to my room for a bit of rest and also to catch up on my email. I ordered a club sandwich from room service, which was an adventure by itself, since this hotel is not one of those conventional touristy hotels but is a character by itself. Anyway, I rested a while and waited for the group to arrive by 2pm. Their flight got delayed and they finally arrived by around 5pm or so.

Most people in the group were already familiar to me from previous trips but there were a few new faces as well, including a female. Hmm, the last time we had had a female in our trip had been a couple of years back in South Africa and that had turned out to be a rather interesting experience! But more on that later.

We had kept a light schedule for the group for the day of their arrival; just a spot of dinner followed by bed or the more adventurous ones could go out to explore the nightlife.

Over the light dinner, I welcomed the group to the event and congratulated them for being the high achievers that they were. I outlined the coming 3 days' program and explained a few helpful facts, including the contents of haggis, the Scots national dish. They were gratifyingly revolted. Read more!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Stranger in a strange land: Memories of Scotland

Day 1

"Ajfxrtr jrrr uwg fgnkrng?" The girl at the immigration asked me. I looked uncomprehendingly at her.

She tried again, "Fheryjf sf krhg gtekjgfa sdtjhyg?" I gaped at her like a country bumpkin.

Then she tried it slower and louder, at this mentally retarded person.

"Do you speak English?"

The indignation was dripping from my voice as I answered, "Of course I do!"

And that was my introduction to Glasgow English.

I had a taste of more of the same when our driver who was driving us to Edinburgh tried to explain some of the scenery to us, and we would just try to read his lips and nod away smiling, because for the life of us, we could not figure out what he was saying. He kept asking me about some collar and I kept trying to figure out where that fitted into our conversation, because we had been discussing neither shirts nor dogs. Then it dawned on me that he was asking me if we found Glasgow cooler!

It is a rather humbling experience when after a lifetime of speaking and writing English fluently, you run into the wall of regional dialects and are made to appear a fool or a retard.


The flight from Dubai had been very comfortable though a bit long. Thankfully I had been bumped up to business class, so it was okay. I spent the long flight watching movies ("I Could Never Be Your Woman", "Charlie Bartlett"). We actually landed a couple of minutes before schedule (12:30pm), and the pilot announced this fact as if expecting an applause!

So after we had cleared immigration & customs, and collected out baggage which didn't take very long since I had just 1 small case, we ventured out and were met by the aforementioned driver who ushered us into a large sleek Merc. Hmmm!

We stopped just outside the airport to check out a hotel called Glynhill for lunch arrangements for the large group that would be following us tomorrow in the same flight. Nice hotel, but a tad expensive. We didn't think the group would be sufficiently hungry for a full-fledged 3 course meal. So then we went on to check other places, like a roadside service station which had a nice convenience store serving big sandwiches, juices and coffee.

After that, we continued onwards to Edinburgh. On both sides of the road were undulating green valleys full of bales of hay and sheep. Not many cows though. The weather was pretty good, with overcast skies and quite a bit of sunshine.

We reached Edinburgh at around 3pm. The Scotsman where we were staying is a very different kind of a hotel. First of all, it was never built to be one. It was the headquarters of The Scotsman newspaper, and was later converted into a hotel. So the entire design of this place is bewildering. The rooms are very comfortable and impressive though they were obviously some poor editor's office once upon a time. The Editor's suite where I was put up is a grand old place with wooden panelling all over the rooms, and small knobs indicating where there is a cupboard built cleverly into the wooden panel. There is even a secret hatch through which one can slide out the room service plates once one is finished with the meals, or put out one's shoes to be polished in the evening. The bedroom window looks out over the railway station a couple of stories below us, and one can gaze upon the stately structure of The Balmoral, another hotel nearby.

All this was not discovered by me immediately, since we had to rush out by 4pm to examine a venue for the Grand Dinner to be held on the last night of the event. And what a venue it turned out to be!

The Royal Yacht Britannia
is a decommissioned Royal Yacht previously belonging to the Queen. It was decommissioned in 1997, and as the story goes, the Queen shed a tear when it was finally docked at its berth in Edinburgh port.

We were met by a lovely blonde (no, it's not relevant to the story, but still!) girl who took us around the boat and showed us the arrangements for the Grand Dinner. I will not go into details now, but let this be said, the plans were really Grand!

While discussing all the details over a cup of tea served in a monogrammed tea set (but of course!), I espied some mementos in the wall shelves, and asked the tour guide if there was a tourist shop on the boat. Of course there was. But since it wouldn't be open during our dinner time on Friday, I asked to be taken to it afterward so as to do some "impromptu" shopping. Having done that, we left the boat.

In the evening, we went off to The Living Room, a restaurant which would be hosting our group later this week. A nice cozy place, with live music. I had a grilled salmon washed down with 1664 beer, and then had a shot of 10 year old Macallan. Lovely! Read more!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

It takes a village

A few minutes back, I see a little girl of 3 or 4 stepping off the curb at the traffic light, and there's no adult in sight. So instinctively I wag a finger at her, sternly telling her to stay on the pavement. She obeys immediately, with a guilty look on her face.

So then I am thinking to myself while walking the rest of the way home that these days you don't really see any children being admonished or told off by some unrelated grown up, when the kids are seen making some wrong move in public. We all want to be seen as politically correct. Even when parents are present and don't lift a finger to quieten a screaming child in a restaurant or to shake their head at a kid busily exploring the inside of her nose while being introduced to people in public, other adults will sit there, beaming beatifically at the "little angel". Their attitude seems to be either that this is none of their business or a quiet feeling of heartwarming schadenfreude.

In either case, kids get to feel that whatever they do is perfectly all right, and that they are generally free to create any ruckus anywhere anytime. If this was all there was to it, I could still console myself that the world will just have to adjust itself to several more ill-behaved grownups 20 years later. But serious implications can happen if such acquiescence continues to be extended towards antisocial or even reckless tendencies. Consider the example I started off my blog with. A kid that steps off the curb unattended and survives will be encouraged to do the same thing again and again. Oh, maybe that sort of behaviour does explain jaywalkers in Calcutta!

Previous generations would never have stood for this sort of mollycoddling. A firm whack on the side of the head was due to any kid that dared raise his voice in public, even if the administerer was someone not directly related. Horror of horrors, the parents would never take the side of the kid, as & when they got to know of it. It would be the principle that mattered, not the individuals involved or their relationship to the parents.

It does take an entire village to bring up a child. Read more!

Actions and consequences

So this woman in my office comes over to me and starts making small talk. I am obviously a bit wary, frantically thinking ahead about what she wants out of me. You see, she belongs to a religious "cult" or movement where the followers are led to believe Sri Krishna is the One & Only God, their "Ain True Love". Well, imagine that! What is the use of being a Hindu if you have to believe in just one god, when there are so many millions more! I mean, the entire point is Choice, isn't it?

The last time this woman had approached me was to request me to print out a .jpg image as a big color poster, which she said she needed for some religious meeting. The best I could do for her was an A3 size poster, and she said that was fine. So she mailed me this file, which I duly printed out. So what was that image? Some happily smiling benign deity, colored indigo blue, playing among cows and frolicking with Gopikas? I wish it was as mundane as that!

The picture showed a man with his mouth wide open, screaming. Why? Well, you would be screaming too, if your innards were on display, and you were being eaten alive by a mound of termites. The picture was so garishly colored and revolting that I couldn't bear to look at it more than a second. It was more horrifying than Aaron Eckhardt's Two-face in The Gotham Knight.

Apparently this was what would happen to you if you were a nasty person that didn't believe in Sri Krishna being the only and only. I hoped that their religious meetings precluded any children attending, otherwise there is going to be this entire generation of Hindu children growing up with psychedelic nightmares of agonised screaming faces being eaten alive by crawling insects. Whatever happened to the concepts of love, truth and peace?

So this had been my previous encounter with this lovely lady. Now I was wondering what in the name of god she wanted from me now.

So after the inital inane pleasantries are over, she asks me if I can give her a few of those portable backup hard drives that are stacked in the storage room under my name. I ask why she needs more than one. She says she wants to distribute them to her religious congregation. I tell her that they are not mine to give away since they have been purchased as giveaways to customers, and are company property.

Later she send me a couple of emails, and I quote exactly from them below:

"I don’t mind taking all of the drives, I can distribute it to people within my satsang (religious gathering), I think its ok for them..."

"Could you kindly ask _____ on my behalf or shall I send him a message? I don’t know his proper name and email, send it to me please and also he doesn’t know me very well and may say no to me...so I request you to ask him if that’s ok. Otherwise I will ask him, no probs, then whatever he say, "Hari Iccha"."

"What I usually do is send to Vrindavan (...) temple where is a need for these things...See if you can manage otherwise forget the whole thing..."

"Pls. try, it’s a donation to the temple..Krsna will bless you yaar..."

My reply to her? "Krishna may bless me, the company auditors won't!"

I know that Lord Krishna said:
कर्मण्ये वाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचनः
मा कर्मः फलः हेतुर भुर्मतेय संगोस्त्व अकर्मणि

You have a right to perform your prescribed action,but you are not entitled to the fruits of your action.
Never consider yourself the cause of the results your activities,and never be associated to not doing your duty.

But this question puzzles me: If you want to do some good, especially among your religious congregation, how can you in good faith give them things which you know were not acquired in the right way or were not yours to give away in the first place? And if so, you are not just committing a sin, but also compounding it by having others acquiesce in your act by accepting such gifts.
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