An evening with Alexander McCall Smith

My first encounter with a "Literary Festival" yesterday was rather pleasant, surprisingly. I say surprisingly, because I mean it's just a book fair after all, isn't it? My relationship with books and authors is very deep & profound, but it's still personal and exists in my mind. All images of the characters & situations, as well as of the author behind those images, are in my own mind. I am not sure if I want to actually meet the author, and put a face to the name behind the words.

So it was with mixed feelings that I went off to the Emirates Literary Festival.

The hotel lobby was quite crowded, with people milling around. I could hardly make out who were the authors, the event organisers, the participants. Were there actually so many booklovers in Dubai? Or were they mostly here to meet the famous names? Finally I caught sight of a welcome desk, where a very polite person sorted me out with my invite to the session for which I was there; Alexander McCall Smith in conversation with Paul Blezard.

And here's the official communiqué about this session:


Alexander McCall Smith: In Conversation

Event 32 Thursday 11 March, 5.30pm
Al Ras 1
An evening with Alexander McCall Smith is never predictable but always hugely entertaining. Best known as the creator of the delightful No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency and the inimitable Precious Ramotswe, he has written more than 60 books and been translated into forty five languages. Before his success as a writer he was a distinguished professor of medical law at Edinburgh University; he is also a keen amateur bassoonist and co-founder of The Really Terrible Orchestra.

It is rare to come across a writer who is as charming and witty in public appearances as he is in his writing. Sandy is an utterly delightful speaker, a great raconteur and one of the warmest and funniest people on the festival circuit. He will be in conversation about his life and work. Not to be missed by his myriad fans or by anyone who delights in the lighter side of life.

Alexander will be in conversation with Paul Blezard.


So this program was to start from 5:30pm, and the ballroom had already started filling up nicely. By the time I showed my e-ticket to the ushers and entered, the 5-6 front rows had already been filled up, and I had to take up the aisle seat some 7 or 8 rows deep. But that was okay, since I still had an okay view of the dais where a small table covered with a white tablecloth and a couple of chairs had been set up. The problem was, all the chairs and the dais were on the same level. It would have been really great, had they raised the speaker table a bit high so as to allow the audience at the very back to have a convenient view. Alternatively, they could have had placed a camera strategically to capture the debate and then broadcast it on the huge screen right behind the speakers. As it was, the giant screen displayed nothing but the seminar title, and the names of the sponsors all through the show.

Right on time, the 2 panellists came out from behind the screen, to the sound of tremendous applause. The room was absolutely jam packed, mostly with European ladies of a certain age. There were a few pitiful specimens of the unfair sex, but mostly accompanying their spouses. I was the only male I could see who was a) Brown b) Asian c) Indian d) By myself.

Blezard started off by saying something like this,"Ladies and Gentlemen! Arrogant.... Rude.... impolite ..... loudmouthed .... are NOT some of the words that come to mind while describing Sandy McCall Smith!" Due laughter in the audience. He then went on to properly introduce Smith with mention of his literary experience. The interaction between the 2 was quite informal and full of banter. It was easy to see why Smith comes across in his books the way he does. That's because he really does seem to be a nice person in real life.

I don't think I can reproduce verbatim the entire conversation, but here are the main notable comments & repartees that McCall Smith addressed to the audience.

How the entire NOLDA series came about:
"In the 1980s, I was working with Swaziland University for a year. I was a bachelor at the time. Having some friends who ran a charity hospital in Botswana, I would often go over to visit them over the weekend. One day, they took me to meet a local friend of theirs, a traditionally built Botswana lady, for lunch at her place. When we reached there, we sat inside and watched as this really large lady went out to the yard to catch the chicken that was to be our lunch. The chicken had a premonition of its fate, and so was proving to be rather hard to catch. There was an almighty kerfuffle, with dust and feathers everywhere, but in the end the lady prevailed. It was then that I had the idea to write a story about this incident. A story, nothing more. This idea lay dormant in my mind for many years after that. Then finally, when I did get some time, I started to develop a story about such a traditionally built lady who would come into a bit of money after her father passed away. In fact, what was in my mind was this mental picture: The old man is on his deathbed, and is advising his daughter that she should sell the cattle they have, after he dies, and then she should open up a business for herself. Now, what he has in mind is something traditional and proper, like a grocery shop. But then the lady comes up with "I shall open a detective agency". On hearing this radical idea, the old man is literally shocked out of his life, and passes away. And this was where I intended to end the story."

On Diehard Fans
"I once received a letter from New Zealand from a lady who wrote that she and her husband pretended they were Mma Ramotswe and Rra Matekoni in their everyday life, addressing each other gravely as such, and sitting about, sipping red bush tea!"


"Once when I was in Santa Barbara, which is where all those rich Californians live... you know, when they get too rich, they are packed off to Santa Barbara... anyway as I was saying about those Santa Barbarians, there were 2 old ladies who came up to me during a book meet, and told me,"Ohhh, Mr. Smith, your books have changed our lives!" And how had their lives changed? Well, they bought a little white van similar to what Mma Ramotswe has, and now drive around town pretending to be Mma Ramotswe and Mma Makutsi. And they even have a vanity license plate that read LWV1 (for Little White Van)."


On How Fans want to influence the story
"Once I was attending a luncheon talk in Texas, where they have these wonderfully tall and big-shouldered ladies... so I was at this golf club surrounded by these wonderful tall ladies, and there was this one solitary mousy man, who had wandered in by mistake after his rounds of golf, and was now trapped in the room... and I said to them that I was planning to have Mma Ramotswe's ex-husband come back into her life. And all these wonderful ladies said in unison, "No, no, Mr. Smith, you cannot DO that!" and they shook their heads very disapprovingly and wagged their finger at me. And then one lady said, "Weeelll, you MAY bring him baaaaack.... but only to punish him!""

On his latest venture, the Baboon opera
"Once my literary agent and I were taking a boat ride along a river in Botswana, when I spied a few huts along the bank. When I asked the guide about them, he said that they belonged to the "baboon people". Now I knew exactly what he was talking about, because just a few days earlier, I had been reading this book titled "Baboon Metaphysics" and I knew that there were these 2 scientists who were camping there and studying this colony of baboons. So as we neared the bank, and heard some activity in the huts, I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled, "I have read Baboon Metaphysics, and I know who you are!" A shout came back, "Well we know who *you* are too!" So it was like a "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" moment.

Baboons are a quite hierarchical society, so I thought of a she-baboon who has a rather lowly mate, but she has Lady Macbeth-like tendencies. So I wrote an opera about this situation, called "Okavango Macbeth", and it's been performed in Botswana's first opera hall, a converted garage that seats 70!"


On Isabel Dalhousie vs. Mma Ramotswe
"As you all know, Isabel is a trained philosopher, and she likes to think things through and analyse situations. That way, she is in complete contrast to Mma Ramotswe, who has an instinctive knowledge of what is right and what is wrong. Mma Ramotswe says to herself, "Whatever were the old fashioned ways and traditions of Botswana served the people in earlier times very well. And so they should be good enough for me as well." And as you see, most of the time Mma Ramotswe turns out to be right in her judgment, while Isabel frequently turns out to be wrong."

On Isabel Dalhousie and the fans
"As you know, Isabel is living with a younger...much younger man, Jamie, who is 14 years her junior. I had initially introduced Jamie as just her friend. But at a dinner with female journalists, they told me,"Mr Smith, you MUST let Isabel have an affair with this younger guy! It will be so empowering for females!"

On the 44 Scotland Street novels
"Now this series is about a young boy Bertie and his pushy mother. In Edinburgh, we have rather pushy mothers who take charge of their children's lives completely. So here's Bertie who is rather small... in fact, he has been 6 years old for the last 4 or 5 books. So in the next book, he finally turns a year older, and so the book is titled "The Importance of Being Seven." Bertie's mother makes his learn Italian, because she wants him to enjoy the opera in its original richness. She makes him learn to play the saxophone.

Now one day, his mother, Irene is at the spa enjoying herself, when she gets a call from Bertie's kindergarten principal. "Mrs. Pollock, there's been an incident. Please come at once." (here McCall Smith imitates a prissy principal with a rolling BBC accent). So Irene rushes to the KG school, where the Principal meets her and says,"Mrs. Pollock, some child has written some graffiti in the bathroom." So Irene bristles and asks her,"So what? Why are you looking at me like that? How do you know Bertie has had anything to do with it?"

The principal replies, "Because.... only Bertie knows how to write, in this school.... and because..... the graffiti is in Italian!""

McCall Smith then read out a rather funny extract from the latest 44 Scotland Street novel, which he said he had been writing that very day in the hotel room upstairs. The background involves Bertie's mother, who is a general do-gooder and likes to help out with charities, suddenly disappearing while helping out with the packing of lorries carrying clothes and food to poor people in Romania. Bertie of course is very disturbed and wants his mummy back. In the read-out extract, Bertie is waylaid in the school playground by a pushy girl (whose name I've forgotten, but who reminds one of Arabella in Dennis the Menace who's bent on marrying Dennis when they grow up) and her sidekick, a girl unfortunately named Tofu by her Vegan parents. The two girls manage to fill Bertie's anguished mind with all sorts of horrible scenarios and possibilities involving his mum, including kidnappings, murder etc. Any feeble attempts by Bertie to postulate a sort of normal everyday happenings is regally waved aside by the two tormentors.

On the film adaptation of NOLDA
"As soon as I got to know that Anthony Minghella had acquired the rights for the series, I knew it was in safe hands. I had particularly admired his deft handling of Patricia Highsmith's novel "The Talented Mr. Ripley"."

"After the rights were acquired, many years went by before shooting actually commenced. I would have an annual dinner with the makers, who would assure that everything had been arranged and that shooting would commence very soon. After the first few years, I would reply, “Okay guys, see you next year for lunch." "

"Anthony came to Botswana not as a European or a big shot film director, benevolently bestowing his largesse on the locals, but as a genuinely curious person, wanting to know more about the traditions and lives of the people. The hunt for the lead actress went on all over the world. The basic criteria were of course known to all. She should be of traditional built, of African origin. Once I was in Adelaide of all places, checking into the hotel when I saw a large African lady sitting in the lobby. Sure enough, when I checked in, I was told that there was a visitor for me. It was the same lady, asking me to recommend her for the part."

"As for myself, I was sure that the Minister of Health in Botswana was ideal for the part. I said as much to the makers, who thought I was being facetious. Later when they actually came to Botswana and met the lady in question, they realised I was right after all, and did give her a walk-on part in the movie."

The lady is named Sheila Tlou, by the way if you want to google her later.


"I was very kindly asked to direct a short segment of the movie. Anthony put his arm around me and told me to shout ACTION when he would dig me in the ribs and to shout CUT when he did that again. I didn't know that movie people actually did shout things like that. So anyway, I did as I was told. The scene I had to "direct" involved a donkey that had wandered into Mma Ramotswe's office just before she was moving in for the first time. Now I don't know if you know this, but apparently in Africa, there are what are called..... "Donkey Whisperers"... Yes, there are. So our donkey whisperer whispered something in the ear of the donkey, and made him walk along the room. The donkey eventually stopped in the middle and started chewing on some of the paper strewn on the floor. I said CUT, and that was the end of my directing career. The scene was finally cut out of the final version."


Audience Questions
One elderly lady who proclaimed herself to be one of the Edinburgh pushy mothers said that when she was a child living in Edinburgh, she would often visit a friend of hers on Scotland Street and play chequers with her in the afternoons. She vividly recalled them having a room under the stairs which was large enough to have a whole bed and where there used to be a woman living in. She wanted to know if people still stayed under the stairs in Scotland Street.

Smith thanked her for the vivid memory of playing chequers and promised her he would incorporate it somehow in a future story. He then suggested that what the lady was talking about was probably the maid living in the room under the stairs, and that it was still very much the practice.

Another lady then asked about some unresolved strands in "La's Orchestra saves the World". Smith replied that he does leave some unresolved strands of stories or incidents in many of his books, maybe hoping to come back to them some novels later. He cited a few examples of this, namely in one of the NOLDA novels, Mma Ramotswe comes out of her house to find a big pumpkin lying there. Till now, no one knows who put it there and why. Another example quoted was from one of Isabel Dalhousie novels, where apparently the dog has an "affair" with the neighbour's lady dog... a very short affair actually.... lasting just about 2 minutes, but resulting in 7 pups. The grumpy neighbour brings all 7 pups to Isabel and says, “These are YOUR responsibility" and walks away. Isabel is desperate to give the pups away, and so one day someone comes over to her, weighs the pups and then takes them all. Now no one knows what happened to the pups, after this. According to Smith, he started receiving a lot of anxious worried queries from all over the world inquiring as to what exactly happened to the pups. So he then had to resolve the mystery in a later book. Apparently they were sold to an Irish travelling circus, and are now a troupe of performing pups.

One guy asked about a certain scene in a book where Mma Ramotswe is looking at some old pictures of her father in Mrs. Moffat's house, and she lingers at one specific picture of Mrs. and Dr. Moffat asking her who this other person is behind Moffat’s mother. She replies that this is a writer who stays with them from time to time. So the question was: Is this the author himself, inserting himself into the book?

McCall Smith said, “Well done, you! Yes, indeed, this was my attempt to meet Mma Ramotswe for myself."

Incidentally, the book in question is The Kalahari Typing School for Men.

Someone asked about the utter lack of violence or even dead bodies in his novels. McCall Smith acknowledged that and said that he deliberately avoided all such stuff because his aim was not to focus on the crime per se, but more on the human aspects of the people concerned. In fact, he continued, the only character he had killed off in any novel was a Glagow "business man" (euphemism for a gangster) called Lard O'Connor, that too only because he wanted to write about the funeral of a gangster. Apparently, gangster funerals in Scotland are accompanied with huge floral wreaths, spelling out some characteristic of the deceased!

The last question, from a guy, was: Ian Rankin, a fellow Edinburgh author, has had a couple of cameo appearances in the 44 Scotland Street books. Will he be returning the favour by featuring McCall Smith in a future Rebus novel?

McCall Smith gave a big hearty guffaw at this question, and said that indeed he had done so. In fact, it was a running joke between him and Rankin. The last time Rankin appeared in his book was when he had been hit by an apple (?) thrown by Bertie, and then while being walked home, has the mortification of hearing Bertie tell him,"Look Mr. Rankin! There's your book in that bookshop window... and it's only 50p!"

So, Smith concluded, if he does appear in any Rebus novel, it will most likely be as a corpse!

This is all that I recall from the session itself.

Later after the session ended, there was a long (really long!) queue to get books signed by the author in the outside hall. All the time I was in the queue, I was wondering what to say to McCall Smith. Other than the usual banal inanities (Big fan of yours, wife loves your books etc etc), I couldn't think of anything.

Eventually when my turn came to get the 2 books autographed, I said that his easy flowing style reminded of an Indian author I used to read in my childhood, R K Narayan. And his eyes and entire face lit up. He said that he was himself a big fan of Narayan, and was in fact just finishing writing the foreword to a new American edition of Narayan's legendary Malgudi Days to "introduce him to an American audience". Then he said "Narayan should have won the Nobel Prize, you know."

I would have loved to talk more about that and how Narayan's good friend Graham Greene did get one, but then there were people breathing down my neck. So with the final comment from McCall Smith "It's great to meet a fellow R K Narayan fan" ringing in my ears, I thanked him and went home.