Friday, November 23, 2007

The Golden Whip

Okay, so we've heard of the Palm d'Or at the Cannes, the Golden Bear at the Berlin Filmfest, and our own practical shawl & Rs. 1 lakh, but this one is deliciously ironic and wickedly funny!

http://allafrica.com/stories/200711210423.html

Bloggers Plan Parallel Film Festival on Police Torture

Reporters sans Frontières (Paris)

PRESS RELEASE
21 November 2007
Posted to the web 21 November 2007

Egyptian bloggers have announced that, while the Cairo film festival is taking place from 27 November to 7 December, they will hold a parallel festival in which a "Golden Whip" will be awarded to the best video showing "controversial acts of torture allegedly committed by the security authorities."


How I wish our own Indian blogging community, though so technologically savvy, had embraced video blogs in a similar way! After all, when it comes to torture and official brutality, our national motto is:

___ में अपनी दम नहीं
पर हम कीसीसे कम नहीं Read more!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Crashing the disk

My external hard disk crashed last week. It had more than 200 downloaded movies, lots of music and a ton of scanned pix on it. Devastating, right? But I didn't lose my cool. I was sorely tempted to rave and rant about it. But all that I really wished I could have saved were the pictures.

It took me almost a year's worth of weekend scanning of endless old b&w negatives, many of them over 50 years old, and then carefully processing them to get visible images of the past. All that toil and trouble gone to waste!

Of course I still have the negatives, and if need be I will do the work all over again. But you know how it feels like.

I am trying to see if the hard disk can be salvaged, by taking it to professionals next week. Let's see what happens. Read more!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

K.I.S.S.

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mile to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

• For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
• Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart. In which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
• Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "CarXP" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
• The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.
• New seats would force everyone to have the same size body.The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
• Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them.
• Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
• You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine.


But seriously, why should computers be so cumbersome to use? When you switch on the PC, it doesn't just come on. First you see some messages on screen about Windows booting up followed by a blank screen. Then the Windows logo shows up. After that, the "user-friendly" desktop come on, and icons start to show up one by one. There is a spate of programs starting up, while you watch all this impatiently. And finally, the wait is over, you can open up your email program, see that there's nothing but junk email in your inbox (the thought "Nobody loves me!" flashes through your mind), then you go through the same process in reverse order to shut down the PC.

We have gotten so used to the above steps that we now take it for granted. WHY? Why should PCs not be as easy to start up as a common TV? Just switch it on, it starts instantly, taking you to the channel you were watching last night. You want to switch to another channel, just press a button on the remote. You get bored, you click the red button and the TV is off.

Oh, so the PC companies are now launching "Media PCs" which will allow us to control multimedia content we watch at home, directly from our PCs? Wow. So now while the kid is wailing in the other room, we are going to be busy fiddling about with the mp3 streamed content on our wireless networked PC in the living room, so that the "Lullaby" playlist on our iPods can stream onto the surround speakers in the kid's room!

PCs should be even simpler to use than they are at present. This comes from the person who started his PC experience with DOS 3.3 which had a command-line interface with a blinking cursor! If you didn't remember the correct command, you couldn't do anything with the machine. It was akin to having to learn a child's baby language to communicate with it, instead of teaching it yours!

The OLPC (One Laptop Per Child) project should be something to watch out for. A $100 laptop for every child! Check out the prototype pictures here: http://olpc.com/pictures.html

I like the look of those green machines! Don't you? Read more!

Monday, May 14, 2007

It's not the bike!

A few months back, I needed to have some formal pictures of myself taken for an official press release. Naturally, I was told this just a day before the pictures were actually needed. Now these pictures needed an official corporate setting as the background, so what I thought of was to have someone skilled enough to handle a camera to click a few pix in the office.

So I brought along my semi-professional camera to the office, and asked a colleague to click my pictures, with the official company banner providing a suitable background. Now this guy has been proclaiming himself to be a professional photographer, and in fact, has been handing his visiting card around which has his name in a fancy font and duly gives his designation as "Photographer". Apparently he has been getting commissions on clicking portraits, covering weddings etc.

So one might assume that I was in safe hands, as far as getting a nice clear pic was concerned.

I don't want to turn this into a suspense thriller, so let me say right now that the pix did come out okay.

No, what gave me some food for thought was when during this photoshoot, I asked him if he could take a few pix with me in the foreground in sharp relief against a slightly unfocused company logo in the background.

So what does this skilled photographer say? "Well, my own professional SLR camera does have a switch which creates this effect, but since your camera doesn't have that switch, I can't do it."

Say what?

I, with my admittedly elementary knowledge of photography, had made it a point to read up as much as I could on the basics of photography, once I bought my camera last year. I visited various sites on the net, studied all the technical terms, even though not everything made sense immediately, but I persevered. And one of the first few things I learnt was F-stops which is essentially the aperture (or the hole through which the image is captured). The larger this aperture value, the smaller the opening through which light passes into the camera, and the sharper the background.

So to get a slightly hazy background, all you need to do is use a smaller F-stop value on the camera.

I felt like quoting the title of Lance Armstrong's autobiography to this guy, "It's Not About The Bike!"

But more than that, this incident made me think about why we perceive someone as experts in their field. Just because they themselves said so?

I find myself constantly downplaying my own skills and/or knowledge, because I (and most Indians) have been brought up and socially indoctrinated to feel that humility and a self-effacing attitude are what makes a person. Being a show-off and blowing one's own trumpet were always frowned upon as being boorish and undesirable.

Social mores seem to have changed though, even in the home country. A me-first attitude seems to have taken over. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Nonetheless, I still believe in this adage,"A truly knowledgeable person knows that he doesn't know anything."

To add a twist to that, here's Mrs. Golda Meir to a diplomat,"Don't be so humble. You are not that great." Read more!

Monkeys and Superheroes

Is it possible to believe simultaneously in Darwin's theory as well as in the existence of Hanumaan (the Monkey God, for the uninitiated)?

Can religious faith and scientific curiosity coexist in the same human mind?

Read on for my unique theory! :-)

I recently finished reading Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion". It's a heavy read, not because of the size of the book, but more so because of the gravity of the ideas he keeps springing up. They take some time to assimilate. The book is mainly aimed at proponents of monotheistic religions, especially the religious right in US. I realised by reading this book and by discussing it some western friends that even in this day & age, the hardliners in the US deny the Darwin Theory and in fact are virulently against teaching the Evolution theory to their children in schools. There are regular protests and banning of Darwin's opus "On the Origin of Species". I think it's still banned in the US.

The main thing is that following one school of thought apparently precludes believing in the other. It's as if the other camp is the enemy, never to be understood.

Dawkins however doesn't specifically mention Hinduism or Buddhism as being against the evolution theory. And that got me thinking. I haven't heard of any Hindu religious sentiments being specifically focused against scientific thought etc. We are much more preoccupied with the depiction (or rather non-depiction!) of nudity in modern art, you see! Think M F Husain, think the young student, Chandra Mohan, in the prestigious Arts College who has been jailed for 5 days without trial in Baroda, Gujarat. But I digress.

So how are we Indians able to simultaneously believe in our ancient gods and goddesses, as well as believe in modern scientific thought?

The answer came to me when I was watching "The Jungle Book" last week. It is of course a thoroughly enjoyable tale, and children of all ages love it. Especially Baloo the bear, Bagheera the panther and of course King Louis, the monkey king!

However, if kids come across these animals in real life, they are not really likely to run over and hug them, are they? The line between fantasy (or rather, a willing suspension of disbelief) while watching movies and between the actual hard reality of the world is very clearly understood by even little children.

What sets us Indians apart from the rest of the world in this matter is Bollywood! Anyone brought up on a steady diet of fantastic movies about superheroes bashing up 20 baddies, heroines with the with the body of a sexbomb and still retaining a virginal aura (Mumtaz comes to mind here), villains with a heart of coal and a laugh to match, will know what I'm talking about.

But when we come out of the movie hall, we switch off the gullibility switch in our brain, and when we see a girl being accosted by 10 baddies in a dark lane, we do what any sensible right thinking person would do; we run the other way! :-)

So my theory is that the reason we Indians are more prepared than most to deal with ambiguities and paradoxes in real life is because we have been trained from the very childhood to believe in and rationalise a lot of conflicting and mutually contradicting thoughts and opinions.

More on that in a later post maybe. Read more!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Guys' day out

Last week I happened to have lunch at the Iranian Club with a couple of friends and friends' friends. I was invited there by a colleague, and when I asked him who else would be there, he was rather vague about it, saying that he would bring along a couple of his friends.

Well, when I arrived at the club, I saw a huge buffet, with tables literally groaning (in Farsi, of course) with food. The starters table alone was enough to make up for the price of the entry. Unfortunately, since all the labels were in Farsi, I could make neither head nor tail of what the names of the dishes were. But not to worry, their food is somewhat like Indian food. Actually Indian, especially North Indian frontier cuisine, owes a lot to Irani and Turkish food, no doubt because all the marauders in ancient times who would have designs on India would be homesick and would make sure they got their supply of their home cooked food. Their recipes would then have percolated down to the locals, ie our ancestors.

Both our cuisines use a lot of yoghurt, mint raitas, mashed aubergines, different kinds of fragrant rices and kebabs.

But more than all the food, what I enjoyed was the wacky conversation at our table. My friend arrived with his brother and another friend in tow. This friend-of-my-friend, Max was a really funny guy. He kept us in splits throughout with weird imitations and crazy jokes. Some highlights:

- I learnt that every boyband has a member who's designated the "confirmer". He's the guy who is told, "Okay, you there! You do nothing, but repeat the last phrase of the previous guy... only in a lower tone!" So when the boy band is mouthing their inane lyrics, something like "Baby I would never lie to you!", the "confirmer" goes,"...lie to youuuuuuu...". You get the picture.

- The eccentric uncle who would always spell out the wrong word in front of kids. "Hey guys, let's go out to the C-A-R......and smoke some pot!"

Max was elaborating on how it is better to be a small fry in the world of movies than be a big star with all the trappings that come along with it. He asked us whether we remembered a rather tough-looking pockmarked huge Mexican guy with a drooping moustache who appeared in lots of movies but always in bit roles. We all nodded. Then he asked whether any of us knew his name. I think he meant it as a purely rhetorical question, and therefore didn't expect Mr. Know-it-all (aka me!) to blurt out, "Yes, I know! Danny Trejo!".

There was dead silence around the table, as you can guess. :-) As Max put it, there were probably 6 people in the world who could offhand name this guy based on a verbal description, not counting the guy's parents. Ah well. I felt slightly embarrassed at having topped Max's tale with a bit of the old show-off. Anyways.

We parted company 90 minutes later, with full stomachs and light hearts. Did I mention the dessert, which was traditional Irani Falooda? It's quite unlike the India version. This one is thin stiff vermicelli in lots of ice and with rosewater and lemon juice liberally sprinkled on top.

I realised later how much fun I had had, just shooting the bull with these strangers. I think guys too need such outings on a regular basis to unwind and relax, just talking about inane stuff. Oprah would concur. Read more!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

DON"T ask for more

"To have little is to possess. To have plenty is to be perplexed."
-Lao Tse

Okay, you are an exception, Oliver Twist!

In a short story "How Much Land Does a Man Need?", Tolstoy writes about Pahom, a greedy Russian who hears that the Bashkirs, a minority race in Russia, are giving away their land for almost nothing. He goes to them and they offer him as much land as he wants, provided he can walk its perimeter in one day. Pahom agrees and goes out on his walk, but when the sun starts going down, he finds he has walked a little too far. Running back, Pahom collapses at the point where he had started just as the sun disappears behind the horizon. The Bashkirs try to congratulate him, only to find him dead. In answer to the question posed in the story's title, the Bashkirs bury him in a hole six feet long by two feet wide.

I am thinking about the above since yesterday when I read about the Hindu "godmen" who have been caught in a sting operation, offering to convert black money to white through shady transactions involving their charitable trusts. And I ask myself, what do these old men with long white beards and ash-smeared foreheads want in life, or rather want from life? Especially at this age! I mean, what difference would it make to them individually how many more crores they would make through these rackets? Yes, the amounts being talked about were 10%-25% of upto Rs. 5 crore!

http://www.hindustantimes.com/storypage/storypage.aspx?id=81ec3d61-8f10-4887-b316-c13d3cfc9fdb&&Headline=Sting+exposes+Godmen%2c+VHP+calls+it+campaign

Isn't there a big difference between what you want and what you need? Has this been forgotten conveniently by everyone except maverick musicians and bemused bloggers?

"I do not want what I do not have" - Sinead O'Connor Read more!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

After the Kiss

My previous post had the story/pix of 3 kisses. But what happened afterwards?

Kiss no 1


Nilofer Bakhtiar has either quit her post of Tourism Minister or been told to resign, depending on whose version you want to believe.

http://www.hindu.com/2007/05/03/stories/2007050303701400.htm


Kiss no 2

An Indian local court in Jaipur has issued arrest warrants for both the kisser and the kissee in this well-publicised case.

Kiss no 3

अब तेरा क्या होगा, कालिया ?

Sorry, I meant Ahmadinejad! But hey, I forget the fact that he's a man, and the world we are living in! :-)

So the proper question to ask should be what happens to his 70 year old female 1st grade teacher, who must have "forcibly" given him a kiss and an embrace!
:-)

Let's wait and see.

Incidentally, I am very impressed by this article I read about the blogging community among the Iranian clerics. They seem to be much more progressive and willing to embrace change in this everchanging world.

http://archive.gulfnews.com/articles/07/05/03/10122643.html
Read more!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

XOXOXOXOXO

This is the saga of 3 recent controversies, all involving alleged "indecent kissing/hugging" in public.

No. 1



A group of radical clerics issued a religious decree against Pakistan's tourism minister, Nilofer Bakhtiar, after some local newspapers printed photographs showing her holding onto a man after landing from a parachute jump in France.



No. 2


This one is too famous anyway, without me having to add anything.


No. 3





Now this is really something. During a meeting of Iranian teachers with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mrs. Najmeh Gholi Pour, Ahmadinejad's first grade teacher, appeared and a moved Ahmadinejad kissed her hand. This was enough to set off a controversy about indecency in the press. Indecently..... errrr, sorry...... Incidentally, the lady is over 70 years old.
Read more!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Fond Mothers & the "Others"

Today's paper reports a Qatari man is to be executed for raping his daughter. Heinous crime, no doubt, and what's also disturbing is this statement from the judge:

"Cases of rape......are becoming more frequent. I believe this is due to the fact that the traditional society is suffering from a cultural shock, mainly due to the growing presence of immigrants. Values and habits are rapidly changing and violence in [sic] increasing."

So blame even this on them, eh? :-) The "furriners".

अपने गिरेबान में भी झाँक कर पहले देखो एक बार ....

Reminds me of that fond mother who while watching her soldier son on parade said," Look! The entire platoon is marching out of step! Only my son is marching correctly!"

http://www.gulfnews.com/region/Qatar/10122228.html Read more!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Sudden Death

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/sundaystartimes/auckland/4043617a6468.html
Jailed China judge dies of 'adult sudden death syndrome'

Reuters Tuesday, 1 May 2007

BEIJING: A Chinese judge charged with corruption died in his cell from "adult sudden death syndrome", Xinhua news agency said on Monday. Investigators said Li Chaoyang, 38, had been uncooperative while in detention .... "Cuts on his face and other injuries" had been caused by a fall during an escape attempt, they said.

I love the jargon these officials come up with! :-) Although to be fair, there is supposed to be a Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS for the acronymically minded), as corresponding to SIDS (Figure that one out yourselves!). But an uncooperative judge showing signs of injury in jail dying of ASDS (per the Chinese news agency) is a bit much!

And how are you judged to be uncooperative? That too, in a Chinese jail?

In another (slightly related) news, Chinese authorities are asking public officials to pay less attention to their mistresses and more to their own parents.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article1728755.ece

Apparently they have found a direct correlation between the quantity (and quality) of mistresses kept by public officials and their proclivity for corruption! Hmmm, that's rather surprising, no? ;-)

Paul Wolfowitz must be thanking his stars he's not Chinese! Read more!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Men who love & respect women

Exhibit 1: Silvio Berlusconi, former Italian PM

He complimented Mara Carfagna, a former TV “showgirl” & a deputy for his Forza Italia party, saying: “Just look at her — if I was not married I would marry her at once.” When Aida Yespica, a voluptuous television presenter, leant across and told him she would “love to go to a desert island with you” he replied: “I would go with you anywhere.”

His fed-up wife Veronica then came up with a public demand for apology on the front page of a newspaper: “I .. ask my husband ... for a public apology since I have not received a private one, and ... I ... consider myself to be ‘half of nothing’”.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2577544,00.html

Exhibit 2: Hakuo Yanagisawa, Japan's health minister

"Because the number of birth-giving machines and devices is fixed, all we can do is ask them to do their best per head .." (He's referring to women, the chivalrous chappie!)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/japan/story/0,,2001056,00.html


Exhibit 3: Prez/General Parvez Musharraf of Pakistan

He offers this pearl of wisdom to Washington Post.
Rape has become a "moneymaking concern" in Pakistan and that many Pakistanis felt it was an easy way to make money and get a Canadian visa.

Of course he immediately denies this the next day! But clever WP posts the audio interview on their site.

Interview:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/18/AR2005091800554.html

Audio Excerpt of Prez Musharraf's comment:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/audio/2005/09/23/AU2005092301278.html Read more!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Raindrops

कालिदास is describing पार्वती who's meditating hard to win Lord Shiva, in this श्लोक:

"StithaaH xa.Nam paxmasu taaDita-adharaaH payodhara-utsedhanipaata-chur.Nitaavaleeshu tasyaaH skhalitaaH prapedire chire.N naabhim prathama-oda-bindavaH"

The above shloka rearranged as prose:
"Prathama-oda-bindavaH tasyaaH paxmasu xa.Nam stithaaH taaDita-adharaaHpayodhara-utsedhanipaata-chur.Nitaa valeeshu skhalitaaH chire.N naabhim prapedire"

Literal word-by-word meaning:
prathama-oda-bindavaH = first water drop
tasyaaH = her
paxmasu = on eyelids
xa.Nam = momentarily
stithaaH = stayed
taaDita-adharaaH = fell on the lips
payodhara-utsedhanipaata-chur.Nitaa = shattered on hard breasts
valeeshu = in the tri-valley (triple fold on the belly, a mark of beauty)
skhalitaaH = slid
chire.N = in a long time
naabhim = in the navel
prapedire = disappeared

Translation:
The first drop of rain stayed momentarily on her eyelids, slid down to her lips, shattered on her hard breasts and trickled across her triple fold, and after an eternity disappeared in her navel.

The use of time is lyrical and almost hypnosing!


Acknowledgement to Shashikant Joshi for the literal translation, at this site:
http://www.cs.colostate.edu/~malaiya/kalidas.html Read more!

The line

The wise man took a piece of wood in his hand and drew a straight line on the ground. He then asked the gathering,"Can you make this line shorter without touching it?" Read more!

Best Will

In an earlier post, I had made an effort to "bury George Best, not to praise him", to paraphrase old Will.

Speaking of which, George Best's will has been released, in which he leaves just one watch to his son Calum, everything else to his sister Barbara, and nothing at all for his 2 ex-wives or his other 3 siblings.

We are told that this is "a commemorative designer watch from the 1994 World Cup".

So why did this one particular sister get favoured over the others? Well, as her lawyer tell us, "Barbara McNarry was named as the key beneficiary in part because she oversees a memorial fund in Best's honor and was most involved in promoting his legacy."

To end with another of the Bard's quotes: "The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones." Read more!

Baby shortage in China

China? Short of babies?

I read this article today by a lady called Beth Nonte Russell which amused me. Apparently China has put in force new strict foreigner adoption laws (probably fearing the Jolie invasion into China!) because they claim they lack "available" babies to meet the "spike" in demand.

So what are the new criteria for hopeful foreign parents who want a nice little chinky-eyed baby? Well, you have to be married for one (no single parents/divorcees please!), be married for at least 5 years in fact, neither of the prospective parents should be over the age of 50, should have a minimum net worth (read bank balance!) of US$ 80,000, AND should have a BMI (Body Mass Index) of not more than 40!

China is really selective, isn't it? They want nothing but the very best of healthy wealthy happily married foster parents for their orphaned babies! :-) Read more!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Today's fun stuff

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." - George Burns

"At 50, a person is really very young, but he will not find it until later." - Mark Twain (Mark Twain: The Complete Interviews)

The Oscar statue is made of gold-plated Britannium, an alloy which is 93% tin. No wonder it's called tinsel town! Read more!

What's it all about then?

This morning, I'm rustling through last week's newspapers to cut out any interesting articles (does anyone else do that anymore?) and I come across a movie schedule featuring "Alfie". To refresh your memory, it's about a wastrel womaniser Alfie, played by Michael Caine.


Final words of "Alfie": You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?

Profound words, right?


And then when I turn the newspaper page, there's this Garfield strip:








Coincidence? :-)

Read more!